Monday 30th April

Le Frenchman must have been feeling sorry for me today and he let me win easily.   It was all over at the 14th.   The sun was shining brightly though and it was only a loosener for our foursomes knockout tomorrow.

Willy keeps telling everyone that a tea bag usually stays in the cup longer than me when it comes to matchplay.   Let's hope he is wrong.

Saturday 28th April
Neal Read Putter

Le Frenchman and I scored 36 points (3/4 hcp) in this stableford competition which was respectable but probably 6 shots short of what was needed.   Playing with Dunc and Archie, we relieved them of two ten bob notes and enjoyed the game.

Friday 27th April
The Golden Glove - Royal Musselburgh

Congratulations to Ian Hillier on his first victory in the competition and on keeping  the Golden Glove trophy in Wales.   Playing off 3/4 handicap Ian was only receiving 6 shots and he posted a score of 36 points on a difficult day for scoring.   He thoroughly deserves to be the champion, well done.

It has to be said that the organisation of this competition is first class and Reg Chisholm and David Hill do us all proud.   I know too that Norma and Jenny both work hard behind the scenes and suffer their husbands in the pursuit of perfection for which we are all grateful.  

The competition had a field of 40 competitors, half of whom have received life saving transplants.   The Golden Glove benefits as a result of the playing guests and it is the opening 'major' of every golf season as far as I am concerned.

Rachel Reynolds, my Five Nations partner, won the ladies prize and her boyfriend Greg Rumble won the overall competition with 37 points.   Alas for the Scots we 'southerners' have cleaned up again.

The course at Royal Musselburgh has possibly never looked so good in it's 233 year history at this time of year.   It is a pleasure to three putt on these fabulous greens.   I even managed a four putt on the first but I have a 100% record with my fourth putt and knocked it straight in the middle of the cup for an opening 7.   Oh dear.

Good health permitting I shall continue to come to this event in the hope that one day my name will be on the trophy, as I know will others.   If my mission is unsuccessful I want everyone to know that, "I was just happy to be there".

Thursday 26th April
Longniddry Golf Club

Practice day for the Golden Glove for me and Le Frenchman was on this magnificent golf course on the banks of the Firth of Forth.   We played in the company of Jim Currie, a member and five handicap golfer.   Jim kept us on the straight and narrow and as is usual I played really well on the eve of the Golden Glove and scored a gross 81 to win the match.

I go into tomorrow's competition with high hopes as my form is good.   As you have probably read the report above before this one you will know that my confidence was somewhat misplaced.   Never mind, there is always next year.
 

Monday 24th April

Rosco joined me, Raff and Le Frenchman in a fourball match which finished all square in what was a very relaxing game of golf.

Next time you are playing at Tynemouth, when walking up the 13th, have a look to your right and nestling between the tiles bang in the middle of the roof in of the expensive houses overlooking Beach Road you may well spot Rosco's ball.   Needless to say he deemed it lost and played another off the tee.

Saturday 21st April

No competition today but I did win the mini contest between us with an average scoree of 34 points in the wind.   Thanks boys.

Thursday 19th April

An honourable draw with Raff and Le Frenchman when we played a bonus game of Chairman this morning.   My round was also reminiscent of a Curate's Egg.

Wednesday 18th April

With a bit of luck I have got rid of my bad round for the week which is no consolation to Daz, who had the misfortune of partnering me against Ed and Le Frenchman, who potted three birdies.   Needless to say we lost despite Daz not dropping a shot to par on the front nine.

I lost two balls in my round which is two more than I usually lose in a month.   I may have to prise open my piggybank to purchase some replacements.   It can sometimes be a very expensive hobby this golf malarkey.

Well done to Raff who scored 44 points in the big game and also to the man with no name (40 points) whose game is unrecognisable from a few short months ago.   I can guarantee that his handicap will be reduced sooner rather than later.   i am odf course referring to err....whatsisname?

Saturday 14th April
Lombard Trophy

Playing with Rosco and Raff I was decidedly average and could only muster an 88 / 77net which considering the perfect conditions is very poor.  

Congratulations to Bob Whitehead on a gross 71 for a net 65 and Digby's mate Tony Sarginson on a net 66.   DMC continued his good form with a 68 and is edging ever closer to single figures.   Comer on Duncan we a rooting for you.

Friday 13th April

Playing my singles knockout today and  have just noticed the date.

My losing streak continues in the Club singles knock out yet my form is good.   I was beaten 4&3 by Alan Moses but had only dropped 8 shots when the match finished at the 15th.

Alan playing off a handicap of 12 is very good and thoroughly deserved his victory.   The turning point came at the 12th (stroke index 1).   I got my par 5 and Alan got up and down from the greenside bunker for his par by sinking a ten footer and go 2 up.   I got to the 14th tee 2 down with 5 to play and Peter Alliss's, "2 up and five to play never wins", keeping me together.   

Friday 13th proved unlucky for Peter Alliss and I was gone.

Wednesday 11th April

Peter Alliss was proved correct again this morning when Eddy Stothert and I were cruising along 2 up against Vic Hillier and 'the man with no name'.   We lost the match but fortunately my two birdies along the way made the sticky bun count even.  

Monday 9th April

Cruising along at 2 up with three to play Dave Rowntree and I snatched defeat from the jaws of victory against his wife Kim and her playing partner Daz.   In fairness to our opponents they won the last three holes with two net birdies and a birdie to our regulation figures.

Peter Alliss that well known golfing sage has a saying "Two up with five to play rarely wins".   It is amazing how prophetic this adage is.

Saturday 7th April
Easter Stableford medal (non qualifying)

I scored a very respectable 38 points in the comp and would like to think my handicap is cut back to 11.   As there was still preferred lies in operation it may be that only the really big scorers are chopped.   Will let you know later.

Later:   My handicap was cut by 0.4 to 11.2

My score was OK but not worthy of winning however I have major reservations about some of our juniors' scores being posted in competitions.   Don't get me wrong I am not accusing them of cheating or anything underhanded, it is simply my belief that their handicaps are in a state of flux and therefore some of the scores they post are merely stepping stones on the way to their final destination.

When they are on this path it is unfair to the majority of club members that they are denied competition victories off legitimate handicaps by very good junior players playing with (sometimes) 10 shots tucked up their sleeves.

Solution:   Let the juniors play in our competitions but have a junior category within the comp.   The major trophies should be exclusively for the adult members.   By all means count the scratch score and if a junior shoots the lowest gross, he should win.   Thus if a junior wins the club championship because he is the best golfer I shall be the first to applaud.

'Jolly Good' Friday 6th April

Arriving at the golf course for a 10am start it was choc a bloc and about ten balls in the tube before Kev (my son) and I were due to tee off.   We spotted Dave and Kim Rowntree about to tee off and joined them in a fourball.

I'm not sure what the best ball score would be if we were marking a medal card but it would not be far off level par.   The standard of golf was very high and although Kev and I claimed the tea it wasn't until the 18th that the scone was secured.

Between us we scored 5 birdies and it was much better than sitting in a traffic jam somewhere waiting to buy plants, DIY stuff or furniture that is flatter than a pancake.

What did you do?

Wednesday 4th April

If today was a taster of the weather to come this summer I reckon we are in for another scorcher.   It has to be said that Tynemouth Golf Course is looking magnificent and it is a privilege to be a member and play on such a fine course.

Playing with 'the man with no name' against Dave Rowntree and Eddy Stothert in a fourball this morning we were unlucky to lose by 1 hole.    The golf was generally pretty good, the company was excellent and the weather started off very pleasant and just got better.   All in all, "I was just happy to be here!"

Monday 2nd April

Playing golf in the chilly northeast is no great pleasure when everywhere else in the UK is having a heat wave.   The wind and Har were blowing in off the North Sea which made for quite unpleasant conditions at times today.  

With the onset of the new golf season the yellow tee boxes were open and the course was completely different to the past six months of winter golf off winter tees.  

That is all of my excuses out of the way.   I lost.   Playing with Brian Liddle against the Cultured Caledonian and John Thinggimy we lost 3&2.   The highlight of the day was the bacon sarnie in the clubhouse following the round.   No, the catering is not officially back on yet but the delightful Helen obliged me with a hot bacon butties and a cup of tea.

The joys of Summer.

I am supposed to be playing at 10am on Wednesday but there is a tee reservation so I made alternative arrangements for noon.   That is all well and good but I have just remembered I have to pick up my mom at Newcastle airport homeward bound from over the pond.   The joys of immunosuppressant medication.

Saturday 31st  March
TOGS Week 26

That's it folks for another season.   Tempus Fugit and we have reached the end.

For the first time the defending champion has successfully retained his crown.    Willy Smith has fully deserved to maintain his seat on the throne with his second haul of 216 points for the season.

No matter what system we adopt (and why should we change?) Oor Willy has again been the most consistent golfer with the equivalent total of level 36's.   To shoot a gross 72 playing off a 4 handicap last week which yielded 37 points and put him top was a fantastic climax to our season.   It also proves that a big score is possible off a much reduced handicap.

Willy is a worthy champion, well done.

You may like to know who had the best score in each column, it makes interesting reading:

Congratulations to Eddy and Duncan on being joint runner's up and for giving Willy a run for his money.   Larry Page was a model of consistency finishing just 4 points adrift and level with Bill Fletcher and Sir Digby's best mate Tony Sarginson.

 Thursday 30th March
Spittal Dene investment Club's away day.

Playing as a guest I came third in this prestigious event at Belington Golf Club.   The members play for the Investment Club Earn.   Clever, eh?

Wednesday 29th March

I lost to Daz and Le Frenchman but discovered that we have a Suggestion Book at TGC.   Did you know that?

I left a suggestion in the suggestion book suggesting that the suggestion book be on display so that members may leave suggestions.   Seems like a good suggestion to me considering that the first entry in the book is dated 1993 and is still only 7/8 full.   It suggests to me that not a lot of people know that we do in fact have a suggestion book.

Saturday 24th March
TOGS Week 25

So the rules are unfair eh?   The handicap reductions we operate are too severe and do not allow players to better their scores once cut.   I don't think so.

Take a bow Mr William Smith.   Oor Willy, our founder and defending champion who was lying in fifth place and two points behind the leaders proved what can be done with a good game and more importantly a positive attitude.

Willy scored 37 points playing off 4, which is a cut of 7 on his club handicap and knocked all this bullshit into a cocked hat for ever.   I know some of Willy's scores these past few weeks have been a case of if....but and nearly.   Well today 'the boy done good'.

Willy's score of 216, which is the equivalent of 6 x 36's should be good enough to win the title.   It also represents a cut of 6 shots from his starting handicap even if he had never finished first or second, and proves beyond reasonable doubt your honour that our current system works.   I rest my case m'lud.

Well done to Doug Walker who came in with a 36 and will finish the season playing off 11.

All of the above is based on the assumption that none of us shoot the lights out this Saturday, Week 26, the final chapter.  

Is it possible?   Yes.   Is it likely?   Hmmm

Monday 19th March

Just Archie and I playing in the freezing cold wind until we were joined at the third tee box by two strangers who joined us in a fourball.   Both new members Craig Hall who has just started the game and plays off  20 handicap and Peter Forster who plays off a  handicap of 1, yes that is ONE.

Firstly to Craig, he has to be favourite for one of the early medals because he is the best 20 handicap golfer I have ever seen, he hits it miles and a decent short game.  

Pete is the lowest handicap golfer, other than a pro, I have ever had the pleasure of playing with or against.   On a day that was just about unplayable because of the wind and cold he hit the ball beautifully.   High or low, fade or draw he made that little white thing do just what he wanted.   Beautiful golfer and a pleasure to lose £1 on the 18th to him and Craig, they won 2 up.

My game is gradually getting somewhere near to how I want it and am looking forward to the season proper.   The big new beastie thingy is locked away firmly in it's cage and my bronze headed dinky driver is back in the bag for the season, at least.

Saturday 17th March
TOGS Week 24

Definitely the windiest day of the winter league.   Alan Ross and yours truly, Graham Marsh both scored a very creditable 30 points and I just pipped Rosco on countback to record my first victory of the season.   Needless to say there were no handicap reductions this week.

Of the rest Larry scored 29 points and then there was a gap to the 25 points and less brigade.   The scoring average today was a mere 23 points, easily the season's lowest which reflects the difficulty we had to endure.   "I was just happy to be there".

With only two weeks left it is looking likely there will have to be a play off.   I can definitely rule myself out of contention.  

Thursday 15th March

Le Frenchman and I managed nine holes before it started to rain and like a couple of whimps we came in to the sanctuary of the clubhouse for a cup of tea and a scone, it is Thursday and the caterers deign to serve the members on this particular day of the week.  

Not having checked our chronometers before ringing the service bell for refreshments imagine our surprise when the delightful Helen informed us that as it was now 2.05pm and we were in fact five minutes too late to spend our money.   Hmmm....

The reason I was playing today was because the tee was reserved from 8am until 1pm by the Durham Alliance yesterday and my normal Wednesday game was postponed for 24 hours.     By all accounts the course was choc-a-bloc with approximately 100 visiting golfers using our fine facilities.  

I wonder what our distinguished visitors thought about Tynemouth Golf Club when they learned that our caterers don't come in on a Wednesday?   They would have had to purchase their post match cuppa from the machine which dispenses luke warm water into a cup and progged the tea bag just like the rest of us have to suffer midweek (and Mondays).

Is it just me or has the Golf Club missed a trick here?   Surely with the place swarming with visitors all morning and afternoon someone might have insisted the kitchen ought to be open.   If our caterers would not oblige get someone in who would!   Or have the lunatics finally taken over the asylum?

Incidentally I was five up on Le Frenchman at the halfway stage.

Monday 12th March

A bicycle flashed by me and I managed to jump aboard before today's game against Archie and Le Frenchman.   We played chairman and I am pleased to report that my game was restored to working order and I triumphed at the 16th green, 3 -1 - 0.

It's just a pity that my wheels fell off on Saturday because I knew my game was OK.   Just like riding a bike really.

Saturday 10th March
TOGS Week 23

Paul Keenan with a score of 34 points was the only player to improve his score (+1) to 206 and have his handicap cut to 11.   Archie, who finished second, would have improved by 2 points but for a 2 shot penalty on the par five 12th.   As it is he remains on 198 points and his 31 points equalled his lowest score therefore no handicap reduction incurred.

Just a pity about the penalty as Archie was oblivious to the infringement and it was only until we reached the sanctuary of the clubhouse until the matter was resolved.  

Ignorance of the Rules of Golf is not an excuse.    Equally a good maxim to observe is "Don't shoot the messenger".   No player wants to call a fellow TOG for an infringement but it is the responsibility of all golfers to play to the rules at all times.   Nothing personal.    We have all no doubt (innocently) breached the rules at some point in the season and it is up to the playing partners to point out the infringement to the player concerned.   Just as it is up to the offending player to declare the necessary penalty on himself to the man marking his card.

Come back Archie all is forgiven.

I made my best start to a round this season and had 14 points after the first six holes.   Unfortunately my pom pom hat caught fire and by the time the flames had subsided I was standing on the 17th tee box with a paltry 21 points.   My winners speech was burnt in the carnage.

Monday 5th &  Tuesday 6th March

I know I played on both of the above dates but due to having the memory of a goldfish cannot remember too much about it.   I have vague recollections of Le Frenchman taking me and Raff to the cleaners on the Monday and me winning most of it back on the Tuesday with him as my partner against Archie and Malcolm Dawson.

Saturday 3rd March
TOGS Week 22

The Cultured Caledonian, David Bavaird, won easily today with a stunning 36 points and improved his league score by a whopping 7 points to rocket up the table.    He will be handing over the wooden spoon he won so graciously last season with a tear in his eye.

Oor Willy bagged another point (it's correct now Will) to snuggle in behind the leaders and David Rowntree added four points to his total and looks certain to climb from the bottom rung in the last three weeks.

There was a club fourball better ball (¾ hcp) also today and  I was partnering the Caledonian maestro but feel that I let him down.    We notched 42 points between us but with me riding shotgun for him should have done better and would have done if only.......

Willy and Rosco suffered the same fate in the club comp with 43 points, if only..........  

Friday 2nd March

Playing at Whitley Bay Golf Club with Bob and Eleanor Casson who were the men's and ladies captain respectively in 2005 I brought great honour to Tynemouth Golf Club by winning a game of skins.

Having promised not to tell anyone about my stunning victory on, what has to be said, a magnificent course I will save my cousins' blushes and keep my part of the bargain.

Golf in Jan / Feb 2007