Thank you for voting for me and Tony Blair - The Prime Minister on Who's calling Christian Show?

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The story - see 17th November.

Auld year's night

It is 11am here in Geordieland and Mrs Boggy and I are about to leave for a stroll along the seafront at Tynemouth.  I shall be thinking about my Australian friends (and foes) who dubbed it Ocean Road on their visit here in the glorious summer of 2006 as we drove from Whitley Bay to Tynemouth.

In an hour's time those of you in Sydney and the east coast of Australia will be celebrating the new year, followed by my rellies and of course the good doctor in Perth WA.  

Happy and healthy new year to you all.

 'Lang may yer lum reek' and as Jeff rightly points out, 'Wi' other folks' coal'.

Saturday 30th December

I had thought about going fencing today but could not find my epée and tea strainer so played golf with The TOGS instead.

I was listening to the radio throughout the night as normal and listened to the different reports about the hanging of Saddam Hussein.

I am always amazed (whoops) at the number of broadcasters and journalists who cannot or do not know of the verb 'to hang'.   Constant reference was made to the fact that Saddam had been hung at 3am BST.

As any schoolboy from my era knows, the correct grammar is Saddam was hanged at 3am BST.   Look it up if you don't believe me.

Pictures are hung on the walls, socks are hung on the washing line, kippers are hung up to smoke but ruthless dictators are hanged.

Friday 29th December

After non stop eating and slouching about on the settee for the best part of a fortnight, I intend going to the gym for a workout this morning.

I don't know about anyone else but my email 'inbox' contains nothing but junk these days.   It is not unusual for me to check and find 100 incoming daily and probably 3 or 4 maximum are of any use.   Has anyone changed their Email recently, if so does the junk follow you?   I  have a Gmail account and am thinking about using that.   Any info would be appreciated.

Rosie got it right, again, about 'who cares anyway'?   From 12,000 miles away it would appear that the England management is more concerned about the mysterious 'theft' of a completely useless piece of paper about how to dismiss an Australian batsman than they are at putting their hands up and admitting they got it wrong.   The series was lost as soon as they announced the team for the first Test without the best spinner and 'keeper in the starting line up.  

Thursday 28th December

Members of the 'Barmy Army' will be able to go sightseeing in and around Melbourne for the next couple of days before they move on to Sydney following the apology of a performance by our woeful cricket team.   Failing to score at least 200 in either innings of match where a batsman and a slugger both scored 150+ for the Aussies is nothing short of pitiful.

I will be able to go to sleep tonight without Sir Geoffrey whispering into my earpiece due to the early finish too.   Jeff is right about one thing, we can't lose another Test match this year.   However, I reckon we may just start 2007 with a defeat.

As for the one day stuff......who cares?

Wednesday 27th December

So the Aussies game is up.   Spying, robbery and sporting espionage is how they have the upper hand on our gallant boys battling against all the odds Down Under.    Er, that should be battling against Shane Warne.   I would not be surprised if Duncan Fletcher turns out to be an Australian and Andrew Flintoff is a double agent.

I have not laughed so much over a complete non story involving sporting shenanigans since James Bond exchanged his golf ball and beat Goldfinger on the 18th green with a deft sleight of hand.

Andrew Symonds, now that I have looked closer beneath his wig, is a dead ringer for Oddjob.

I reckon The Ashes series should be declared null and void and the Australians agree to start again when we have Michael Vaughan, Marcus Trescothick and the Jones boy fit and well again.   Also we should be allowed to change our mind whether we bat or bowl first having won the toss in any game if things do not turn out how we expected.  

Also if our opening bowler can fizz one into second slip's hands at any time without the batsman getting a bit of wood on it that should count as a hat trick.   If a South African with the initials of a peanut is caught slogging to  long on or cow corner that should count as five runs.

Howzat?

Tuesday 26th December

Santa came to Chez Boggy and left his usual socks, dregs and rock'n roll. 

Shane Warne came too and left with another 'five fer'.   I fear more carnage tonight from Down Under unless Steve Harmison and Monty can work some magic.   We shall see.

Monday 25th December

Merry Christmas everyone.

Later today I shall be watching the Christmas edition of my favourite programme, Dr Who.   This is a science fiction based story.

To round off my Christmas day viewing I shall be tuning into the fourth Test match live from Melbourne (weather permitting).   This is a tale of a team's quest to retain a little urn which contains the Ashes from stumps of yore.   As it turned out this is a horror story also based on fiction.

Sunday 24th December

It's strange to think that my big sister Kathryn and her family are still in their beds over there in BC Canada yet Jeff and all of the other Australian transplant cricketers and their families will be receiving Santa's first delivery of Christmas morning in under five minutes.   Here in Costa del Geordieland it's five minutes to one in the afternoon.

Merry Christmas to all of my friends and family in Australia.

Saturday 23rd December

Thanks for the messages in my Guest Book, much appreciated.  

For the benefit of Rosie and other bemused onlookers about the Aussies who simply leave numbers for ID purposes.

The numbers equate to their appearance in batting order for the Australian Transplant Cricket Club - ATCC - since it was founded in 2004, which they all have on the inside of their 'baggy green' Albion caps.    Hence Murray Rose is No 11 and Chris Wills is No 23, etc.....Nick Harris being No 1.

Not to be confused with DP, Dave Parker, from Leeds who is actually the GB No 1.   As a matter of interest I am GB No 2.    I too have an Aussie 'baggy green' cap which was presented to me following this year's David Hookes Series by the sporting antipodeans at the Gala Dinner.   

I might add that I am very proud to own such a 'titfa' and it sits in pride of place in my office and watches over my every tap of the keyboard.

Err..........................where's my pitching wedge?

Friday 22nd December

My dulcet tones were surplus to requirements therefore were not aired on this morning's Virgin Radio  breakfast show.   My apologies if you got up early, so did I!.

Elwood P Dowd's six foot three and a half inch rabbit was indeed a Pooka.   Not a lot of people know that.

I know that lots of you will have better things to do these next few days than to read my ramblings, especially those of you who read from your workplace, so may I take this opportunity to wish you all a happy Christmas and a healthy New Year.  

'Lang may yer lum reek'.

Thursday 21st December

Latest:   Keep this to yourself but if you listen in to the Christian O'Connell breakfast show on Virgin Radio between 7 and 9 am in the morning I could be whispering sweet nothings into your cornflakes.   Don't tell anyone that I told you.

Bedrock is indeed the home of The Flintstones, well done Oor Willy, but is not a real place and could not possibly have been the town where Joseph Barbera grew up.  

This amazing (whoops) fact was pointed out to me by nephew Michael and of course he is right and I am wrong.   Joseph  Barbera's autobiography was entitled 'From Flatbush to Bedrock in under a Century".   So the co creator of those lush cartoon characters was in fact from Flatbush.

Did you know that my favourite cartoon, Top Cat was in fact called Boss Cat in the UK because the name was already copyrighted by a pet food with the TC monicker?    Am I also right in thinking that Bilko was just a human version of Top Cat and that most of the voices were the same?   Benny for example.  

Bring back Top Cat that's what I reckon, as the 100+ channels currently on offer over here  mostly involve home makeover shows, DIY stuff or celebrity cooks, whatever that means.   I would have thought that one of those words, namely the adjective cancels out the other, namely the noun or vice versa.

There is an old naval saying along the lines of,
Who called the cook a ****?
Who called the **** a cook?

While they're at it can we have a cowboy film channel too please?   When I say cowboy I mean cowboy, not some PC version with touchy feely blokes falling in love with each other.   John Wayne, James Stewart, Glenn Ford and Clint Eastward movies are what is needed in the Boggy household these next few weeks.

Speaking of James Stewart, does anyone remember one of his greatest films ever, Harvey?   The six foot white rabbit identifies himself in the film not as a rabbit but as a...................?    This is difficult.

Wednesday 20th December

The chat on the golf course this morning was not about bogeys, birdies and eagles but that of giraffes.   I think it is OK to reveal that Ed (the duck) is visiting the Metro Centre this afternoon and is purchasing an enamel giraffe for his wife Maureen because I am certain she does not indulge in these daily musings so I am not giving away any secrets.

Apparently this gift stands about 6 feet tall.   When Ed wraps it up and presents it to his beloved on Christmas morning with her eyes closed she may of course guess that it his her favourite CD or a large bottle of wine (a carafe)  maybe not.   Ed tells us he will give her a clue by way of mentioning neck.    "Is it a scarf darling?"

Enough of this rubbish but still on the subject of Christmas gifts for our darling spouses.     I have toyed with the idea of a satin basque or some other risqué lingerie for Mrs Boggy but settled on the socket set and adjustable spanner instead.   How's that for a surprise on Christmas morning?  

Tuesday 19th December

It was uplifting to watch the chairman of TSUK defeat Basil Brush in a tie breaker following a no scoring head to head round on last night's Weakest Link programme.   Fascinating stuff.   Why do people watch drivel like this on  early evening / late afternoon TV when perfectly good radio is available and newspapers to read?

Having said that Christine Evans or Miss Evans, Doctor Dick as she was called on the show was very good.   The money that Christine won she offered to share with Basil Brush and the programme makers added £1,000 and two charities, one of which is the TSUK, will benefit, which was the whole point of this Christmas celebrity special.   Well done Christine.

It beats writing about the cricket anyway.  

Monday 18th December

Well done Australia, aaaaargh.   See, that didn't hurt at all.

The best team won and have played the superior cricket in the fifteen days it took them to win back The Ashes.

It's not good enough for the captain and coach of the England team to defend their build up, selection and tactics and waffle on about how well we have played.   We got stuffed and if they don't extract their collective digits they may well end up on the wrong end of 5 - 0.

Having said that, I agree with Jeff's comments in my Guest Book that our up and coming talent looks good and we may be able to give the Aussies a run for their money in the next two series.

Sunday 17th December

Spotted a good cartoon in today's Sunday Times:-

"What's the time difference between us and Australia?" asked the wife of her bleary eyed husband who had sat up all night watching the latest from Perth.
"They're about 10 years ahead of us" came the reply.   Not true, but funny.

The crowd at the Waca will at least get to see some cricket on the fifth day of this Test match.   I'm not sure if it will last much past lunchtime.   Slogger Pieterson and Freddie Flintoff used to be our dream pairing at the crease.   Looking at FF's demeanour on TV he looks to be in the middle of a personal nightmare.  

Surely the wrong choice as captain.   Set him free and let him play.   Strauss is the obvious choice and can't keep getting out to dodgy decisions.   Add in the best wicket keeper and we won't be far away.  

I could be wrong, but reckon somewhere between lunch and tea we will be handing back the urn to the Aussies.  

Of course we all know who is to blame don't we?   Yep, it's that bloke with the trumpet.

Still on cricket (wake up Rosie) Sir Geoffrey has been talking a lot of sense these past few days about the whole build up to what is the biggest Test series in the history of the game.   I was listening to Bill Lawry (an Aussie  left handed opener in the mould of Sir Geoffrey) and he too talks a lot of sense.   Not enough serious practice down under before the series began for example.

Saturday 16th December

Having been up most of the night watching the cricket I thought it was time to bury my head in the sand.   I couldn't find my bucket and spade so decided to play golf with The TOGS instead.  

Just as England are about to do in The Ashes series, I came a glorious second on a very difficult scoring day.

It has to be said that Adam Gilchrist's amazing (whoops) innings was fantastic to watch and I reckon that Australia would have batted on until the fourth day but were so far ahead because of his onslaught that Ricky Ponting had no option but to declare.

Rumours were circulating on the golf course that Ashley Giles had flown home in the huff.   It turns out that he has returned because of his wife's illness.   True cricket fans wish them both well.   Giles is a rock solid pro cricketer and never gives anything other than 100% to the cause.   It is a pity that he will not get the opportunity to bowl in tandem with  Monty in the two remaining Tests to come.

England need a miracle not  to lose this particular game and with it The Ashes, but stranger things have happened and the Boggy prayer mat will be out tonight.   If we take the game to a fifth day that would be something, wouldn't it?

Friday 15th December

Game on?   What was I thinking?   When Steve Harmison and Monty Panesar compile the largest stand in an England innings something tells me that we did not bat very well.   This time tomorrow The Ashes could be lost unless of course the two aforementioned all-rounders do the business, again, with the ball.   

This evening I shall enjoy my first festive party of the year in the company of the volunteers of Tyne Youth & Community Centre in downtown Whitely Bay at a very snazzy restaurant.

That prompts the following question which you have to answer immediately on finishing reading it.

Which comes first, Christmas day or New Year's day?

Go on admit it, you said Christmas day didn't you?

Thursday 14th December

Having spent 10 days in the beautiful city of Perth WA at the conclusion of our inaugural GBTCC cricket series against the Aussies and experiencing the full tour of The Waca in 2004, watching the cricket through the night brought back wonderful memories.

Seeing the flags at right angles to their poles reminds me of Howard Watts.    Howard came across to England this summer with the ATCC in  a failed attempt to retain the David Hookes Memorial trophy and is a practising GP.   We all know that the 'Fremantle doctor' is responsible for the flags flapping furiously at The Waca and all being well Howard will fix it so that we get to play at this famous ground in 2008.

At this point I will have lost everyone other than  cricket aficionados for which I apologise.   I can visualise Rosie searching at this very moment to discover who the Fremantle doctor really is and if he is as good as her man at The Mater hospital in Dublin.

By the way No 23 - I am a 'Geordie' and proud of it.   King George and all that jazz.

Wednesday 13th December

I may not get a chance to update in the morning because we are heading off to Matfen in Northumberland for a game of golf....weather permitting.

Rosie -  The Princess Royal or Princess Anne as she was known in the 70s when she won the trophy is Zara's mum.   I believe Zara's horse was called Toytown, but what was mummy's nag called?

Zara's daddy is captain Mark Phillips, himself an accomplished horseman and Olympic gold medal winner.   You could say she was bred from good stock.   I couldn't possibly comment.

In those days Emlyn Hughes, the ex Liverpool skipper, was a captain on A Question of Sport and he once famously identified Princess Anne incorrectly as a man.   She later appeared on the show as a member of his team.   I think I must be getting old.

Good question:   Name the original captains on QS.

Tuesday 12th December

It's amazing that some folk don't know who the amazing Zara Phillips' mother is.   Without embarrassing anyone by naming them, they simply think some 'posh totty wot rides horses' won the BBC Spots Personality Award by default.   If they know so little about sport what were they doing watching the show in the first place?

Still on the same subject, Jensen Button, Andy Murray and Monty Panesar may one day become the stuff of legend but how come they were on the shortlist of 10?   As for Theo Walcott winning the best young sportsman award, do me a favour.   The best footballer to appear on the show, by a mile, was Alan Shearer and he was presenting an award.

The clean cut Gary Lineker, co-presenter of the show with Sue Barker and some bloke with things in his lugs wandering around the cheap seats,  is no Peter Dimmock, Frank Bough or Steve Rider.    What happened to real sports presenters?   Have they all gone to TV heaven, ITV or satellite channels?

Mr Boggy or Mr Grumpy?    That is the question. 

Monday 11th December

For those of you who watched the amazingly amazing BBC Sports Personality of the Year show last night will know that my amazing tip that the amazing Zara Phillips would win this amazing contest will probably not be amazed that I forecast the winner.   Amazing or what?   Her amazing speech was umm er....amazing.

Sunday 10th December

Today's the day we give something back to those not so fortunate as ourselves.   Tyne Youth & Community Centre, did I tell you I was chairman?, hold their community Christmas party.

The club has been going since 1949 and every year since we have held  a party for various members of the local community.   Today we have approximately 50 people of all ages, some with learning difficulties and others with  disabilities coming along.  

My mate Gordon Smith, he used to be a singer in a rock 'n roll band, comes along and sings and if last year is anything to go by the aisles will be rocking.

Mrs Boggy's sister Marie and her friend Louise have spent the last few days preparing the buffet and I bet there will not be so much as  a sausage roll left at 5pm.

When eventually I receive the money from Virgin Radio we are going to buy some new cafe furniture and comfy chairs so that those who use the Club the most will be even more comfortable than at present.

Saturday 9th December

At yesterday's AGM of the FHLTA I had just started my sports manager's report / speech to the assembled throng when my mobile phone started playing Mussorgsky's Pictures at an Exhibition, being my ringtone of preference.   Oh dear I had forgotten to switch it off.

Scrambling frantically in my jacket pocket I eventually turned the stupid thing off just as the second verse was nearing it's climax.   These things are a nuisance and I normally tut tut when others around me are gabbling into them  informing anyone within 100 yards of their whereabouts.   "I'm at the gym just finishing the exercise bike", "I'm in the supermarket queue" etc etc.

What did we do before mobile phones?   Has yours rang at an inopportune moment?   Remember Ian Botham  giving Dickie Bird his to look after when batting in a Test match and Alan Lamb ringing it from the pavilion?   Great stuff.

Some of our batsmen, already on the phone, tell callers to "Just hang on I'll be back in a couple of minutes" as they stride out in the second innings to face the fat lad.

Friday 8th December

As Rosie correctly points out in my Guest Book I shall be at the hospital again today.   Northing wrong folks, it is the AGM of the Freeman Heart & Lung Transplant Association - The FHLTA.   In my role as Sports Team Manager I may even give my senior Irish recruitment officer a mention in despatches.

Thursday 7th December

I know I promised not to mention cricket again until next week but thought you might find this interesting.  

At the dental hospital this morning when chatting with Professor (open wide and) Seymour he was telling me about his son who has just returned from  two weeks cricket in Barbados with his team, South North (short for Northumberland in case you were wondering).

South North won the Cockspur Cup at Lord's this summer, defeating Bromley in the final and apart from the silver trophy, part of the prize was the trip to Barbados.

Still on the subject of the word I promised not to mention until next week I have been reading about the selection committee operated by the current England team in Australia.   Very strange indeed.

It consists of the manager and captain which is fair enough, plus three senior players, namely Andrew Strauss (who should be captain) Paul Collingwood (may not have played if Trescothick was still there) and unbelievably Geraint Jones the incumbent wicket keeper who does not have an ECB contract and is only the second best keeper in the squad.   By the way Shane Warne calls him, among other things, Teacher's Pet and the Shermanator.

The manager Duncan Fletcher, if the exclusive story I have read is true, wanted Monty Panesar to play but Andrew Flintoff wanted Ashley Giles and his view prevailed at the selection meeting.   Only one thing for it.......change the captain or give the manager the final say.   Fletcher will lose his job not FF if the current debacle continues.

Sorry about that, I promise to be good tomorrow and not mention cri....pes nearly did it again.

Finally:    If Glen McGrath were English what would he be?
Answer:    An all rounder.

Early post:

Wednesday 6th December

Unbelievably from a man who knows nothing about horses my tip yesterday, Warne's Way, won at 9 - 2 in the 12.40 at Fontwell.   Stranger still is that a horse owned by Andrew Flintoff and surprisingly called Flintoff ran on the same card an hour later.   Guess where it finished?     Yep, a poor second.

The horse was last seen on TV giving an interview proclaiming it was happy with the way it had ran and but for a poor last furlong would have won.   These horses can be very profound.  

I shall be playing golf with Archie, who returned home yesterday from 11 weeks in the Florida sunshine, in less than an hour and as he is a registered umpire will ask him if he can solve the riddle posed by No 23.   If not I will have to admit defeat and ask for the answer.    I suspect there may be an element of trickery in the answer along the lines of signalling for a drinks break, something like that.

Tuesday 5th December

As the late great FS was fond of saying, "I just don't know what's going off out there".   What a shambles.   No excuses are acceptable.    England were pathetic on the fifth day when it mattered.

I have just heard Duncan Fletcher being interviewed and defending the non selection of Monty Panesar.   The reason?   We need to bat down to number 8.   What about the first seven?

That's it, no more cricket from me until next week when it all starts again at The WACA in Perth.  

Incidentally DP, it wasn't Geoff Marsh who bet on England to win with Denis Lillee back in 1981, it was Rod Marsh, younger brother of Graham.

Monday 4th December

Have you bought anything online today?    According to experts, today in the UK will see a new record set for purchases online.   It is the busiest shopping day of the festive season and it is estimated that at least £183,000,000 worth of goods will be ordered and paid for sometime today.   The busiest periods will be between 1 and 2pm when thousands of workers will use the office computer in their lunch break and later this evening between 7 and 9pm.   This is presumably when all the men will be online and their wives or girlfriends watching Coronation Street.

Sunday 3rd December

Mrs Boggy and I are on expedition today in search of a particular bathroom tile which is now obsolete from the local emporiums we have visited.    When shown an example of the tile required invariably the bloke in the shop scratches his head and looks us up and down as though we had just escaped from the jungle, along with the others.    If and when Dougie the plumber comes to replace our basin, and now a bath too, we will need to re-tile in the rococo style which is typical of the era in which the Boggy bathroom was designed.   It appears that the Boggy bog is OK.

Saturday 2nd December

Played golf with The TOGS which as ever was eventful but fun.    I am happy to report that we have re-established the Rules by which we are playing and everyone now knows the score.  Looking forward to the next 20 weeks or so.

'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me out of Here! ' winner, the canny lad from ex band  Busted, apparently won the vote on the strength of his 'bush tucker trial' of having to eat, among other things, a kangaroo penis and a wombats anus.   As I said the other day, this is quality TV.

The tour of the States that Rosie refers to must have been Chirton Grange, Marden and the Meadowell Estate which can all be found in Tyne & Wear.

Ridiculously early post:  

I may not get another chance until Saturday tea time so better to blog early.

Excellent question posed by No 23 and good work by DP to come up with prehistoric, but quality nevertheless, Aussie cricketer Alec Bannerman.   'Good old Alec' as he was affectionately known makes Sir Geoffrey's batting look positively frantic.   He once took 7½ hours to score 91 runs.   His biggest claim to fame was the catch he took to dismiss W.G. Grace at The Oval in 1882 in an Aussie victory.

Searching for the answers is very educational, don't you agree?   Any more CW?

Friday 1st December

Second post:  

Good question posed by No 23.   I agree that one of them is definitely AB but am struggling to come up with the second player.    It could be that we're looking for a player from the 1870s.    Any clues?

 CM and DMC are correct in thinking that Graham Roope was indeed batting at the other end when John Edrich scored his hundredth hundred.    Edrich was batting for Surrey against Derbyshire at the Oval in the summer of 1977.  An amazing experience to be bettered a little later that wondrous day at Headingley accompanying the master batsman to his ton of tons.    We all know who the bowler was (don't we?) when Sir Geoffrey caressed it to long on for four.

Duncan, did Roope's XI play against PMCC or was it simply the venue?

November '06